the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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