at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
