Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize