This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
