I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
