I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
