I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize