So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
