Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
