How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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