wanna go halves on a baby?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
