if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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