Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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