Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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