At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
