Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize