I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
