I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize