did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
