Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
