jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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