If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
