i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
