you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize