I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
