My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize