im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
