you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
