Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
