I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
