she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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