mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
