And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
