OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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