I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
