Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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