just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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