Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
