And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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