I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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