I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
