don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
