is your mom at the bar?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
