Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
