she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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