i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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