By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
