bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
