A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
