my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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