At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
