Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
