I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
