he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
