I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
