i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize