I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
