3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
