Please, let me fuck your mom
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Did you just see the Batmobile???
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
