How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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