I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
