Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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