It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
