Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize