Screwed.edu
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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