what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize