this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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