I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she told me i tasted like america
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
