he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
