oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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