I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
