I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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