My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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