So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
