It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize