I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
