btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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