after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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