you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
