Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
