my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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