Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
