If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
