I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
