woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
