I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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