my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
