Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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