I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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