I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
