i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
