he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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