I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
