Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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