I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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