Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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