She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
