Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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