Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
