Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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