i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
