Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
