I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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