the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
