i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize