I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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